Paul Bunyan Is a Snack. There, I Said It

It’s time to face facts, we can’t go our whole lives with our heads in the sand like cowards. No. It’s time to say, loudly and proudly, that Paul Bunyan, of giant folkloric fame, is a certified piece of Grade A Ass. Primo man candy. The Midwest’s number one Lumber-daddy.

Here are some indisputable facts: he’s tall. He’s got some great cheekbones. He can rock a plaid shirt any day of the year (though I think it would look BEST on the ground. WINK). Like’em strong? He can mow down an entire forest with an ax. He’s also got some of the best facial hair a chiseled beefcake can sport. He changes it up, but by far the best look is is the classic chinstrap he sports, making admirers fall to pieces, drooling. His shoulders are broad as a house, and he probably comes home from work with a light sheen of sweat everyday.

So be honest with yourself. It’s okay to get a little wet when you drive past the statue in Bemidji.