Red Wing Family Can’t Wait For Wholesome Road Trip To Abhorrent Monument Celebrating Violent White Supremacy


RED WING — Spirits are high within the Lang household in anticipation of their upcoming family road trip to Mount Rushmore, a monument to white supremacy that’s very existence any objectively informed person would find morally reprehensible. 

Olivia Lang, 35, and her husband Dave, 36, reportedly can’t wait to see the look on the faces of their son Noah, 8, and daughter Riley, 5, when they first lay eyes on the majestic statue. “I have great memories of the place from the time my dad took me when I was a kid,” recalled Olivia, speaking of the massive act of vandalism the United States spent 14 years perpetrating on a sacred mountain range stolen from the Lakota people in 1876, in direct violation of the earlier Fort Laramie Treaty.

“Mom says its going to be a really long drive but I have a ton of new iPad games to play,” said young Noah, blissfully unaware of the illegal land grabbing and attempted genocide (both physical and cultural) against non-whites that stains much of the modern history of every mile of land his family is about to drive past in their 2018 Kia Sedona.

Dave Lang hopes the Rushmore experience will teach his kids some of the proud history of their country. “I hope they come back from this trip knowing a little more about some of America’s greatest heroes” said Dave, in reference to the four presidents carved into the monument, each of whom contributed in their own way to the suffering of Native populations, and not Lakota warriors and spiritual leaders like Sitting Bull, Black Elk, Young Man Afraid of His Horses, Touch the Clouds, and many others.

“Of course, it’d be nice if they could put up some more diverse faces up there too, like Obama” added Dave, completely missing the point.