Good morning, Citizen! Time to rise and shine from your sleepless night of coughing and wheezing, because that work worm isn’t gonna eat itself! Look out the window: what do you see? Or rather, what DON’T you see? That’s right, your car! Your only mode of transportation has been towed! Oh Citizen, guess you didn’t check the obstructed sign at the end of the block saying there’s road repairs today starting at 7AM, whoopsidoodle! That’s what you get for waking up at 7:15 for your 9AM shift!
Citizen, Citizen, Citizen, don’t start crying now! There’s no time! It’s 8 AM and if you’re late for work again, this’ll be a third strike for you! RUH-ROH! No worries, my sweet mid-30’s champion of the everyperson, you still have options. Why not take a Lyft? The limousine of the proletariat! But alas- you can’t afford a ride right now since you’ve been in the red since paying off the last parking ticket.
Never fear, public transportation is the more ethical way of getting to where you need to go anyway, so chalk this up as an environmental happy accident! Only thing is you need about $5 in change to get to and from work. You might be able to settle for $2.50 in dimes and just walk 3 hours back home, but even that’s gonna take some scrounging around in the couch you’ve been sleeping on for the past 2 weeks. Looks like somebody picked a bad month to go through a break-up! Just remember that you might have made the ultimate decision to end things, but they kept the house, the garage, the art, the cats, the bed, and most importantly YOUR BUS PASS!!! You might not be able to
But your ex might not have blocked your number yet! Reach out to them and see if they’d be willing to untangle their own broken emotions for a day and give you a ride to the bank where you both work. Hey look! Carpooling! Another environmental win!
Halt that thought! you just found two Sacagawea coins in the jeans you wore last week. Jackpot! Everything’s going to be okay! Well, not okay, but it will be fine. Have a great day!