After much consideration, we have decided to ban Donald John Trump from viewing our refreshing brand of biting local satire. If he so much as glances at one of our hilarious articles, we will be forced to take legal action.
The insurrection that took place in Washington DC last week was an offense to the ideals of a fair democracy, and The Nordly condemns it in the strongest possible terms.
In order to enforce this decision, in the coming days you may notice that you won’t be able to access our site without first proving you are not the 45th President by answering a series of security questions asking if you accept the election results or can properly identify where president Obama was born. You may also have to prove you can identify Tiffany Trump in a lineup. We are sorry for any inconvenience but we do not want to risk him deriving any enjoyment from our delightful articles and headlines.
Donald Trump joins the others banned from viewing our site – Kim Jong Un, members of ISIS, Donald Rumsfeld, Alex Jones, Adrien Brody, and anyone who writes for ‘The Babylon Bee’.