Wow. They really think they’re pulling one over on us, huh? The National Eagle Center in Wabasha just announced it has acquired a new eagle but it’s obviously just a blue and white English parakeet wearing a teeny tiny baseball cap with the word “eagle” on it written in sharpie.
This so-called “bird of prey”, whose deeply uninspired name is simply “Eagle”, is supposedly a 25 year old female Bald Eagle capable of detecting a mouse on a hill 3 miles away, building 5 foot wide nests, and diving through the air at 75 miles an hour.
They must think we’re a bunch of gullible chumps because the Eagle Center says it’s also able to catch a trout at least 50 times its own weight with it’s “talons” though all anybody has seen this 4 inch bird do so far is squawk and attempt to shake it’s little hat off which has seemingly been attached to its head with a bit of string.
Officially, the National Eagle Center only displays rescued eagles with injuries rendering them unable to return to the wild so what ailment are they saying this budgie has?
“We found this eagle after it had been run over by a dozen steam rollers when it accidentally wandered into the path of the Wabasha Steam Roller Parade,” said Chief Eagle Handler Kathryn Larsen, referencing a supposed annual event that produces zero hits on google, “thankfully, we were able to unflatten her using a bike pump.”
Ok. They’re really pushing their luck with that one. You really don’t have to do this, Eagle Center. You already have two eagles and they’re perfectly fine!