Like Rascal Flatts once said, “Life is a highway” and boy were they right! But even when you’re living in the fast lane, life hits you with a road closure! No matter if you’re late for work, your best friend’s wedding or the birth of your first child, I-94 road closures yield to no one. But if you’re looking to just vibrate with rage and question why existence is suffering then take this quiz to figure out which season of I-94 road closure best fits YOU!
1. Rise and shine! How do you take your coffee?
A. Black and a little burnt
C. I’ll take some three-day old tea that’s been sitting on my nightstand, thanks!
D. I splash scalding coffee directly onto my face each morning
2. Maybe you’ll stop at the gym before you get to the office, what machine do you hit first?
A. I walk on the treadmill with my arms folded
B. I sit on the rowing machine and look at my phone
C. I don’t go on the machines but instead try to talk to every person I possibly can
D. I scream at my reflection in the locker room mirror until everyone clears out and then I leave the gym
3. Hydration nation—it’s time for a break at the water cooler. What topic are you itching to talk about?
A. Your most recent visit to the dentist’s office
B. Your ferret
C. The healing crystals business you would start if everyone could just pitch in, like, $50 more each
D. Graphic details of your recent botched bunion shaving
4. It’s about that time—lunchtime! What’s on the menu for you today?
A. A squished peanut butter and jelly sandwich
B. One party-sized bag of Chex Mix
C. An egg salad sandwich that you offer your office mates
D. One tin of sardines and a handful of tacks
5. A job well done, you’re at the end of your workday. How do you say goodbye to your coworkers?
A. Mutter and/or grunt “see ya” as you walk out the door
B. Say nothing but bump into everyone’s desk because you’re reading fanfic on your phone
C. Make sure you tell everyone individually to be sure to eat the bee pollen you gave them
D. Wait until everyone’s gone, take their family photos and throw them on the roof
6. Oh la la! You have a date tonight. Where are y’all going?
B. Not going anywhere but would be willing to share my leftover Panera baguette
C. The dumpsters behind the Seward Co-op
Mostly A: Fall Closure
Listen, you’re a bit of a buzzkill. You’re definitely not the worst but you also don’t make anyone’s life easier. Actually, you can make peoples’ lives harder by generally being a drag. Fall road closures aren’t great but people kind of expect them to be that way so they’re prepared to be disappointed–kind of how people generally react to you!
Mostly B: Spring Closure
You’re a Spring I-94 road closure, the wet blanket of road closures and people. You are spineless and love to whine and complain about minor inconveniences that could have been very easily avoided if you put in any effort to be an active participant in your own life. Like a Spring I-94 road closure, you consistently slow people down and make their lives more difficult but still make them feel like it’s actually their fault. Do better!
Mostly C: Winter Closure
You’re an I-94 Winter closure and whoa—you are a brick wall of inconvenience and frustration. Your commitment to making people’s lives more difficult is unparalleled and frankly, dangerous. While you might think you’re helping others, like an I-94 Winter closure, your relentlessness and dedication to what you perceive as the greater good can actually sends people spiraling, sometimes causing a crash. You are a menace to society!
Mostly D: Summer Closure
You are an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE! There is no way around it. You take pleasure in sowing chaos and discord wherever you go. The I-94 Summer closure makes people feel like they have entered the ninth circle of traffic hell and frankly you, you sentient garbage fire, are already there! And worse—you enjoy it. Take your I-94 Summer closure from whence you came—the power of MnDOT compels you!