WAYZATA — The entire city of Wayzata suddenly collapsed into itself earlier today, forming a massive 4 mile wide, 75 foot deep sinkhole under the collective weight of its citizens’ 3.5 trillion folksy, Minnesota-themed decorative accent pillows.
Fortunately, despite thousands of residents falling into the sinkhole, no injuries were reported due to the billions of tons worth of soft designer plushes featuring crocheted maps of Minnesota and welcoming phrases like “you betcha” and “live, love, fish” in rustic-looking fonts, that covered every inch of the town.
“We are doing everything we can to rescue the individuals who fell in but it’s proving difficult,” said Fire Chief Kurt Klapprich, “mainly because half the town wants to stay down there on account of how comfy it is.”
Officials believe the final straw that caused the structural collapse was likely a beige linen pillow reading “Skol!” where the “o” is shaped like the outline of Minnesota’s border, purchased by 32-year-old Wayzata resident Emma Sanderson on Etsy.
Sanderson could not be reached for comment due to being fast asleep in the sinkhole.