Ant Carrying Massive Oreo Crumb Back To Colony Better Get To Meet The Fucking Queen For This
ROCHESTER — His exoskeleton aching from exhaustion, a carpenter ant struggling to carry a massive Oreo crumb over 20 times his own bodyweight back to his colony says he better get to meet the fucking queen for this shit.
“My thorax is killing me,” said the embittered ant, whose name cannot be translated into human language because it’s a biochemical pheromone not yet understood by science, “I swear to god – if I drop this off and the Queen’s Guards just nod and say ‘thanks’ like last time, I’m gonna flip!”
The 12.5-millimeter long insect has reportedly been performatively groaning and loudly mumbling to himself all along the perilous, nearly 20-yard long journey back to the anthill over countertops, under cabinets, and out an open window.
“Plus, I’m pretty sure this is one of those limited edition S’mores flavored Oreos – you don’t find that every day”, complained the ant while stopping for a moment to take in oxygen through the openings in the side of its body called spiracles, “I should at the very least get to share a meal with the queen for finding this and bringing it in – maybe have a nice stroll together around the aphid farms afterwards.”
At press time, the insect grumbled “oh fuck me” after being passed on the path by a fellow ant carrying an even heavier crumb.