You’re going to have to try harder than that, guys!
The Minnesota Historical Society just announced they’ve discovered a previously unknown apology letter written by Charles Lindbergh on his deathbed in 1974 but it’s obviously just a black and white printed-out screenshot of the iPhone Notes App.
“Dear fans, I’ve listened to your concerns and would like to formally apologize for all of the offensive antisemitic comments I’ve made over the years and also the problematic relationships and secret family I had in Germany,” read the letter, “so now that I’ve learned and changed, you can visit my childhood home in beautiful Little Falls, MN and purchase items from its fun little gift shop without feeling icky about it.”
The Minnesota Historical Society tried to pass this obvious forgery off as authentic by posting a photo of it on their official Instagram account looking all crumpled up and old with the dubious caption “we discovered this artifact deep in the ground and radiocarbon-dated it to five minutes before Charles Lindbergh died”. They even had a researcher pretend to carefully inspect it while wearing special gloves but failed to cover up the top right corner of the image which clearly showed the smartphone it was composed on had only 12% battery life.
“This is an incredible discovery that sheds new light on the extraordinary life of the world’s greatest aviator and the fact that he is very very sorry,” said MHS Director Kent Whitworth, “I guess this means we can also stop talking about the Nazi-sympathizing stuff, huh?”
The Minnesota Historical Society also says they’ve uncovered an apology from the state’s first governor and war criminal Henry Hastings Sibley but it’s obviously just a printout of a tweet from @Sibley9022100291 that reads “my bad”.