Wisconsin Institutes New Voter Marksmanship Test


MADISON – In a move to improve election security, Wisconsin will begin purging voters who cannot pass a simple marksmanship test. The “Bullet Ballot Bill” has already passed in the Republican-led legislature and survived a court challenge.

The law stipulates that if you do not have a gun of your own, a gun will be provided for you.

“It’s a very simple marksmanship test. I want to emphasize, very, very simple,” said Assembly Speaker Robin Vos, responding to criticism that the new law was somehow unfair to non-gun owners. “If you claim to be a Wisconsin voter, but you don’t hunt, I think that’s pretty valid grounds for suspicion,” he said. “Nine out of ten times, those are gonna be busloads of Democrats from Chicago.”  

The law comes on the heels of another attempted voter test, which required registrants to down a pitcher of beer, then take a simple driving test. “I want to emphasize,” said Speaker Vos, “a very, very simple driving test.” The “Shitface Suffrage Act” failed under political pressure from the Wisconsin Tavern League, which successfully argued that the test “inferred a negative connection between beer and vehicular mobilization.” 

The marksmanship test joins other Wisconsin checks on voter fraud, such as being able to name the cemetery plot where Vince Lombardi is buried or to explain the rules of Sheepshead. 

Liberal groups protested the law, saying that it was clearly designed to suppress turnout amongst historically Democratic demographics. 

“That is preposterous!” replied Speaker Vos nearly spitting out his half-chewed bratwurst. “This law is a good-faith attempt to ensure the integrity of electoral system, by ensuring that everyone exercising their democratic duty can also exercise their second amendment rights.”

Before he turned to leave, Speaker Vos turned back and added, “And if they are white that helps too.”