A Much Needed Update: The Gold Horses At The State Capitol Have Been Replaced With Gold Spacious, Dependable Dodge Grand Caravans

It’s about time! Progress of the State, the gold-plated sculpture of four horses pulling a chariot atop the Minnesota State Capitol is finally about to be updated for the 21st century by being melted down and replaced with a statue of four spacious and dependable 2020 Dodge Caravans.

“The horses atop the Capitol are a constant reminder of the past – an abysmal time when the best mode of transportation could only go 55 miles per hour and had to constantly be fed grass,” said Governor Walz, “I can’t wait to walk up the Capitol steps to my office and be greeted by four gleaming, elegantly designed vehicles ranked #1 in their class for initial quality by JD Power & Associates”.

The government says no expense will be spared. The gold Dodge Grand Caravans will be 1:1 scale and feature all of the original’s amenities including adjustable seating, three-zone automatic temperature control, SIRIUSXM® radio, and headphone jacks in the back row so the kids can bump it to the latest pop music while mom and dad listen to their favorite podcast. That’s right – there’s something for everyone.

The three human figures present in the sculpture, currently two women and a man, will be replaced with 28 people, 6 dogs, 15 suitcases, and 7 dirt bikes to illustrate the minivans’ roomy interior and 140 cubic feet of cargo space.

“I hope to do Minnesota proud with my design,” said Louis Brookheimer, the St. Paul-based sculptor commissioned to oversee the project, “and in a clever nod to the original, all four vehicles will sport golden bumper stickers that read ‘my other van is a horse’”.