Awkward! Both Twins From ‘The Shining’ Are Running For MN GOP Chair

Photo by greyloch

Both Alexie and Alexa Grady, the twin demonic specters that once haunted the Overlook Hotel, have declared their intention to run to succeed Jennifer Carnahan, who resigned due to her ties to alleged sex trafficker Anton Lazzaro, as Minnesota Republican Party Chair. 

The twins, who moved to Minnesota several months ago from their long-time home in the hallways of the Overlook to Bloomington’s Great Wolf Lodge in order to take advantage of its world-class indoor waterpark, first attempted to run together as co-chairs but were prohibited by GOP rules. 

The two had reportedly shook hands and agreed not to run against each other, however both soon went behind the others’ back and entered anyway. Alexie announced her candidacy in a speech at the Minneapolis Convention Center following a Trumpian display in which she ceremoniously descended an escalator as gallons of blood supernaturally oozed from its steps. Alexa took a more subdued approach by mysteriously entering the 3 AM dreams of every registered Republican in the state simultaneously and softly whispering “I declare my candidacy for GOP Party Chair”.

Though the two insist they will not let the stress of the race hurt their close relationship, since the race began, the two have not been seen together and appear to have unfollowed each other on Twitter.

A month in advance of the October 2nd election, it is impossible to tell which sister has the upper hand.

“This is a really hard choice. I feel like Alexie is really good on the COVID-19 issue in that she says we should all just surrender, hold hands and walk together into hell,” said GOP central committee delegate Carl Stanley, “but Alexa is great on the environment because she says that we should be satisfied with letting things get so bad, we bring hell to earth. They’re both such great representatives of the party in 2021.” 

Former legislator Jim Newberger, the only other contender in the race so far, says he is unfazed by the twins’ popularity.

“I sincerely welcome the competition,” said Newberger, “in fact, surprising as it may seem, these homicidal phantoms and I agree on almost every issue.”

At press time, the man performing fellatio in a bear costume in ‘The Shining’ had also thrown his hat in the ring.