MINNEAPOLIS — The city of Minneapolis, a city riddled with potholes, somehow has enough money to spend on a big ass amount of temporary concrete barricades, causing many residents frustration.
“The sidewalk outside of my apartment is fucked up. The sidewalk from the house I grew up on is fucked up- even the sidewalk near my old dorm at the U is fucked up,” said accounting major Malik Jones. “How they got money for these concrete barricades, but I’ve never lived by a sidewalk that wasn’t fucked up?”
Many of these concerns have reached the mayor’s office, causing cry baby Mayor Jacob Frey to speak up about an issue he hopes residents will pretend doesn’t exist.
“People are frustrated right now and I get it,” the mayor said while standing by a 15-foot barbed-wire fence. “But these barricades are an important safety measure that is going to bring about real necessary change for our communities. Or at least that’s what I tell myself they’ll bring. Can you guys just trust me on this one?”
But many citizens are not convinced by Mayor Frey’s assurances.
“Local government is worried about how it might financially recover from the summer uprisings, but millions of dollars in fuck you money is being spent on barbed wire, tall fences, and snack packs for national guards members”, Whittier resident Jan Peters told us while fixing a flat tire. “Where is MY snack pack? I don’t want potholes, I want police reform and treats!”
At press time a transit bus broke down downtown after hitting a big ass pothole the size of a police car.