SHAKOPEE — As Valleyfair plans to open for the first time since the theme park closed due to the pandemic, patrons can expect several changes in an effort to keep everyone safe, including hand sanitizing stations, face shields for performers, and the debut of the brand-new Soak City Bleachpark.
“From the drop of Peroxide Plunge to the splish-splashin’-disinfectin’-fun of Chlorine Canyon, our new bleachpark will leave every family feeling stingy and safe,” said Antibacterial Services Manager Victor Pile. “We just encourage everyone to keep their minds open and their eyes closed.”
Other popular rides at the park that have been sanitized for patron protection include Power Purell Tower, Antiseptic Steel Venom, and Clorox Corkscrew.
“We’re even keeping Valleyfair concessions safe,” added Pile, double-wiping several deep-fried cheese curds. “Safer and tastier.”
Brian Matuszak has been trying to make Duluth funny for 35 years now through the writing, directing, performing and producing of live sketch comedy revues, as well as scripted plays. His current theater company, Rubber Chicken Theater, will be celebrating their 15th birthday in 2023. He also wrote a weekly humor column for the Budgeteer News, creating nearly 400 columns over seven years. He can be found on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (@rchickentheater). His interests include geocaching, time with family, and singing along loudly and proudly to Barry Manilow, not necessarily in that order.