Minnetonka — With spring slowly coming to an end many in the land of 10,000 Lakes are excited for a sick ass summer out on the water. One of those 10,000 lakes is excited for the summer for a different reason: making some rich ass people sick.
“Look, is it my fault that all of these rich people with boats are getting E. Coli and Salmonella? No, they polluted my waters,” said Lake Minnetonka. “But am I gonna take full responsibility for giving a bunch of half naked anti-maskers blasting Flo Rida on a pontoon violent diarrhea? Yes…10,000 times yes!”
Lake Minnetonka, the body of water located in and around the suburban namesake city has been sickening many rich people with boats and their rich and/or poor wreckless friends for the last few years. The lake says the work is easier than growing algae.
“People have caught everything from E. Coli, salmonella, and in some non-water related cases, Chlamydia. Last year a speedboat tipped over and I think it’d be fun to do that again cuz those same people will probably show up for the Fourth Of July and have a fireworks accident. The possibilities are endless!”
At press there were reports of the sounds of maniacal laughter as a lacrosse team caught a flesh eating bacteria from nearby Wayzata Beach.