MINNEAPOLIS — With yet another Black body gunned down by Minnesotan police, local satirical news group The Nordly has hit a major wall as far as figuring out how they can possibly write another unique piece about how the cops are trash.
“Our writers have written a lot of articles on this, with about every angle you can possibly take, and we’re trying to figure out how to make things fresh,” said Nordly editor Anna Larranaga. “Maybe like… killer cops in space? Fascist cops on ice? Is that anything?”
“It’s hard to write articles about how militarized the police are when they get more and more militarized each day,” said Nordly writer Bianca Nkwonta. “I started writing an article about National Guards members enjoying Jucy Lucys while brutalizing the Twin Cities and sure enough that’s what they’ve been doing: just eating burgers and shooting people with rubber bullets. Completely stole my joke.”
With the news cycle having heavy coverage of police violence in Brooklyn Center and the surrounding metro area some writers are having to do extra research to get different perspectives.
“I actually infiltrated a police force”, said Nordly writer Tyler Matrindale. I got a buzzcut and started talking shit about liberals and that’s all it took. I’m actually up for sheriff in Stearns County right now. I became a cop faster than I was able to get vaccinated. This article better be worth it.”