Mall of America M&M Store Already Bans 17 Men for Being “Weird” About Green M&M Statue

Bloomington — While the opening of the M&M’s store at the Mall of America has drawn many fans of the famous monogrammed treat, the store’s staff has unfortunately already dealt with some unwanted attention from men who have been “weird” about the store’s Green M&M statue.

“On opening day there was a guy who waited in line outside the store until it opened and then just stood next to the statue for three hours until we had to ask him to leave. Another guy came in the first week and made several watercolors of them in different poses; them holding hands, her sitting on his lap, her doing the Marilyn Monroe dress thing… I mean, the paintings were actually pretty good but this store is supposed to be family friendly.” Employee Martin Garrison shared.  

“It’s only been two weeks and I’ve already personally seen four men propose to the Green M&M statue,” said assistant manager Anna Conkline. “One guy brought in a flash mob who did a performance of “Isn’t She Lovely.” This is a four foot tall fiberglass statue of a piece of candy, she can’t even leave the store.” While the staff was managing these strange encounters as they could, the final straw came over the weekend when a man attempted to steal the Green M&M statue.

“We can confirm that a man in fact entered the air ducts above the M&M store, belayed from the ceiling and attempted to bring the statue up through the ceiling.” said store manager Brent Hastings. “ He didn’t manage to get very far because when the morning shift came in to open the store the culprit and the statue were dangling from the ceiling,” store manager Brent Hastings shared.

The MOA M&M store location responded by  putting a policy in place that would make every guest entering the store sign a waiver on a tablet promising that they would not spend any more than five minutes in front of the M&M statue or else they will be escorted from the store. This measure has been met with mixed success, Conkline shared.

“This seemed to be working well until we realized that there was a guest who kept coming with different fake beards in order to keep spending time with the statue. Another one actually used prosthetics. I don’t know, never underestimate a guy’s commitment to an object that vaguely resembles the idea of a woman.”