Man Born And Raised In Hopkins Pretty Sure He Has Best Ideas About How Minneapolis Can Heal

With the Derek Chauvin trial underway in Minneapolis, the city is in a tense predicament. But Tanner Olson, a man who has never lived in Minneapolis has some ideas on how people who live in a city he has no real personal connection to can heal. 

Olsen, a 35-year-old White man who has never lived anywhere but Hopkins (with the exception of going to college and contracting chlamydia in Mankato), has been recently posting online with confidence about his ideas to create peace in a city he has only visited for Twins games and the occasional monster truck rally. 

“Minneapolis won’t get past this by defunding the police- we should give them more money. My neighbor is a cop and he has a new gazebo he got with his bonus and he’s super nice to me now,” Tanner commented on a stranger’s post at 3 am about two weeks ago.  “Cops need gazebo money if we want them to stop shooting Black people, sounds like a win-win to me, snowflakes!”

Tanner’s posts have gained much traction online from like-minded individuals who live in Golden Valley, Plymouth, Maple Grove, Hinckley, and even parts of West Virginia and Eastern Russia. Consequently, he has also been banned from TikTok, Instagram, and several Reddit threads after a series of user complaints.

“I posted a picture of me and some friends at a protest near the government center and some rando named Tanner commented that I should be ashamed for tearing his city apart”, said Seward resident Erica Sterns. “I looked up his profile and not only does he not live in Minneapolis but he lives in Hopkins and works for a staffing agency based in Hopkins. When I mentioned this to him he blocked me and trolled me from the staffing agency account.”

“People in Minneapolis are complaining about the mayor, what are they gonna do about it, get another Mayor?” Tanner quote tweeted on Twitter at 5:45 am. “That’s not how democracy works! Give him a break and let him have 2 more terms as they did for Obama”

Since the release of this article Tanner has now devoted most of his postings to Parler where he trash talks Minneapolis residents, as well as his neighbor for getting a gazebo.