In an effort to accommodate the growing Twin Cities population, Metro Transit has announced plans to add a light rail extension to the Red Line bus route that offers an express route to eternal damnation.
“We are simply responding to the feedback we’ve received from riders over the years that clearly asked us to go to Hell,” says a Metro Transit spokesperson Natalie Burnson. “And we take rider feedback very seriously”
Much like the Blue and Green Line, the Red Line will quickly transport passengers across the Twin Cities, with a final stop in the everlasting inferno of the underworld.
“As traffic worsens across the Twin Cities, we are offering alternatives to help our rush-hour commuters get home, or to the dark abyss of Hades, before the kids even get off the bus,” said Burnson.
The Metro Transit spokesperson added, “We’re already in talks for a fourth route, which we’re tentatively calling the Heaven Line. However, at this time we cannot reveal to the public quite yet where their final destination will be,” said the spokesperson coyly, before floating upwards and vanishing before our very eyes.