Mill City Museum Nominated for Best Place To Sneak off to the Bathroom and Get High During Eighth-Grade Field Trips

MINNEAPOLIS—For the second year in a row, the Mill City Museum has been nominated as the nation’s best place to sneak off to the bathroom and get totally baked during boring eighth-grade field trips. 

The prestigious honor was no surprise to locals, many of whom have fond memories of peeling away from the group at the interactive water lab exhibit to smoke a joint in the john with that one guy in class who gets weed from his older brother named ‘Skunky’. 

“Dude, have you ever, like, gotten totally blitzed and then tried to dam up that little river with your entire body?” says former field trip attendee Ryan Mortenson. “Or took a bite from that giant fake box of Bisquick and six-foot-diameter pancakes?”

The museum is one of 20 nominees this year, and the public can now vote for their favorite place to get stoned in a stall through February 12. 

Constructed from the ruins of the Washburn A Mill, the museum opened to the public in 2003 and features various exhibits on Minneapolis’s industrial growth, as well as third-floor lavatories with windows you can blow your smoke out of so that chaperones don’t get suspicious. 

“Oh, we knew,” says Jenny Johnson, a field trip chaperone from Richfield. “But we all did the same thing when we were their age. Who among us hasn’t sneaked off from the historic milling displays with a big fat doobie in their pocket? Or left the bread baking lab to get baked in the bathroom?” 

According to teacher and chaperone Bryce Mitchell, “There’s nothing quite like getting stoned, then going to the observation deck to see the Stone Arch Bridge. Or should I say Stoned Arch Bridge?”

Today, students on field trips can learn about the history of Minneapolis flour milling and hydropower, then duck away during the 19-minute educational film to inhale a joint in the nearest family restroom, stand under the hand dryer to get rid of the smell (which totally works), then rejoin the group trying to act as normal as possible during the tour of the ruins courtyard, then sliding into the first-floor bathroom for one last hit, all before getting the entire class kicked out for trying to tear apart the lobby vending machines for munchies with their bare hands. 

“It’s truly an honor,” says Michael McHugh, a museum staff member. “Whether you’re looking to get lit in the ladies’ room or have some Mary Jane in the men’s, the Mill City Museum is the place to be.” 

The museum has also been nominated as the best place for field trip chaperones to take extra Xanax.