Woodbury Man Wants To Clarify That He Works for Target, Not at Target

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

WOODBURY—Last week at his golf buddy’s housewarming party, Ryan Anderson of Woodbury interrupted the woman he was conversing with to clarify that actually, he works for Target, not at Target. 

“It’s very important that people know I work in an office and make a lot of money,” said Anderson, 38, as he adjusted the collar of his polo shirt. “I can’t have these people thinking that I work at an actual Target store. That would be so humiliating!” 

For the past thirteen years, Anderson has worked for Target corporate as a middle manager in the accounting division, which according to him is so much better, interesting, and worthy of respect than whatever retail workers do, probably. 

“I mean, look at me! I have a cubicle, and a computer, and a commute!” exclaimed Anderson, who works in the Brooklyn Park office and can’t even claim he works downtown in the real city. “The fact that I have a view of a parking lot, wear clearance khakis from Kohl’s, and go to happy hour at the New Hope Applebee’s every other Tuesday is objectively impressive. Also, I look at spreadsheets!” 

“No question about it,” he concluded. “I’m so much cooler than those losers.”