Upon learning that he had no remaining paid time off in 2018, Minneapolis police officer John Richardsen is considering a foolproof method of gaining time off as law enforcement: being put on administrative leave for use of deadly force.
The 10-year veteran explained that the department’s pattern of placing officers on administrative leave whenever they are involved in a deadly shooting. “Our vacation/murder policy is very clear. Whether it’s a clean takedown or one of those ‘Oopsie, I thought he was charging!’ ones we get time off” said Richardsen.
Richardsen is confident he will be in a “shooty scenario with a perp,” soon. “I figure I’d fire a few rounds, Ba-da-bing, ba-da boom. Suddenly, Dad’s home for the holidays!”
When asked about the potential ramifications of killing for paid time off, Richardsen wasn’t worried. “I can always say I was afraid for my life. That defense works every time.”
When asked specifically about the ethical ramifications of such an action, Richardsen explained, “It’s not my fault someone walks in my line of fire during the holidays.” Richardsen continued. “Plus, the union always has our back. No matter what.”
The more he contemplated the idea, the more Richardsen warmed to what he calls a “gunpowder getaway.”
“Sure, people will be upset. There might be protests, or whatever, but I’ll be up at the cabin with Marjorie sipping a High Life’ Richardsen added.
After giving his last statement, Richardsen wiped away a smudge off the words ‘TO PROTECT WITH COURAGE, TO SERVE WITH COMPASSION’ on the side of his squad car before driving off to work.