Minneapolis Repeatedly Asks Saint Paul ‘Why Are You Hitting Yourself?’


Putting on full display the sibling rivalry that has existed between the Twin Cities for decades, Minneapolis has reportedly been hitting St. Paul with it’s own hands while loudly asking “Why are you hitting yourself?” sources say.

Minneapolis was reportedly grasping St. Paul’s wrists and forcing St. Paul to hit itself, but denied any culpability in the situation. “St. Paul is a total dweeb. Who knows why they do anything?” Minneapolis told reporters. “They were hitting themselves like the loser they are.”

St. Paul denied allegations that they were, in fact, hitting themselves. “Minneapolis was forcing me to do it,” said St. Paul, “but Mom wasn’t doing anything! She always takes Minneapolis’s side.”

Those close to the siblings say this isn’t the first time such an incident has occurred. “Minneapolis once told St. Paul they could hang out with us if they ate a bug,” said Edina, a close relative. “When St. Paul did it, Minneapolis said, ‘Gross, we’re not hanging out with a bug-eater!'”

Plymouth, also a close relative, brought up another instance. “Minneapolis spent a week pretending they couldn’t hear or see St. Paul. They even got the neighbors in on it. St. Paul really hated that one.”

“The worst was probably the St. Peter incident,” said Woodbury, a relative. “Minneapolis said their parents planned on making St. Peter the capital, but they gave it to St. Paul because they felt bad for them. St. Paul cried a lot then.”

At press time, Minneapolis was letting St. Paul know that, despite being very close, they were, in fact, not touching them.