New Mayo Clinic Study Warns Against Rubbing Eyes Too Hard, Unless You Are Actually “Super, Duper Sleepy”

ROCHESTER–Researchers at the Mayo Clinic recently published a study confirming that you shouldn’t be rubbing your eyes under any circumstances unless you are, in fact, “super, duper sleepy.” 

“After gathering data from over 5,000 participants whose sleep schedules were strictly monitored over the course of a year through biometric data wristbands, our study strongly suggests that human eyes can be significantly damaged after repeated, vigorous rubbing of the eyelids unless the individual is really, really, tie-tie,” researcher Avery Willits shared with the Nordly. 

Dr. Richard Coates, director of the Mayo Clinc’s research department, echoed Willits’ claims. 

“The tissue damage that occurs when pressure is applied even once daily via the knuckle of the forefinger to the upper corners of the eyelid and maintained across the entirety of the lid is staggering” Dr. Coates warns. “However, our studies found that ocular damage was significantly reduced if the eye rubbing occurred when the individual was mere moments away from Honk-shoo Honk-Shoo mi mi mi Central riding the beddy-bye train,” he concluded

While the urge to rub your eyes can be extremely difficult to resist, the Mayo Clinic hopes that this study will help prevent significant eye damage for current and future generations. 

“We’re hopeful that this most recent study will make people more aware of the harm they’re unknowingly doing to their eyes.” Willits said. “It is still important to keep in mind that if you’re entering the night-night zone on a stocking cap and candlestick kind of vibe on some Sleepy Time tea shit, you can go ahead and rub your eyes.”