State Surprised That Failing To Support Businesses Leads to Failed Businesses

Photo by Marius Watz

Various Minnesota elected officials held a press conference earlier this week to express their shock and worry that after months of inaction to support local businesses directly correlated to the closing of many local businesses.

I didn’t really know things were this bad,” said  Gary H. Dahms, the chair of the state senate Commerce and Consumer Protection committee. “I’m starting to think we should have listened to the people that we’re representing.”

Dahms acknowledged how difficult the situation was, “We’ve tried nothing and we are all out of ideas”.

Ida Turner, a small business owner, spoke up at one of these events, stating “we want to stop feeling like the middle child and instead treat us like the baby daughter you want to spoil because you feel you messed up on the other two kids you have.”

However there is hope, on the Small Business Assistance Office has added a page listing “fun suggestions” for tackling the devastating economic crisis. Ideas include a bake sale, Tupperware party, and bikini car wash. 

Members of the caucus ended with hopeful news. They shared that small and mighty Minnesota businesses like Target and Best Buy have been finding success in these difficult times and to maybe “arrange a Zoom coffee meeting to pick their brains.”