Tim Walz Calls On National Guard To Keep People Away From Olive Garden

MINNETONKA — Governor Tim Walz has adjusted COVID restaurant restrictions, opening bars and restaurants to 50 percent capacity. While many think the limited capacity as an important measure in limiting the spread of coronavirus, regular Minnetonka Olive Garden patrons viewed a half-empty Italian restaurant as a declaration of all-out war. 

Patrons began to riot last week after waiting hours in a line to get into the restaurant that extended from the parking lot to Hopkins Crossroad to 394. As a mob formed, they banged on the false terracotta exterior of the restaurant while chanting ‘Give us breadsticks’

“I’ll die for soup, salad, and breadsticks,” shouted rioting Minnetonka resident Bob Carlson while wearing a shirt with an image of Garfield the cat eating lasagna. 

“It’s one thing for them to try and force us to wear these damn masks, but waiting for Olive Garden? Last time I checked this was America, pa!!” said Patrick Jonson who was wearing a shirt that had the state of Florida on it that he tried to convince us was Italy. 

As the crowd got bigger, speeches were said, banners raised, and at least one lasagna bake was made in the parking lot. Walz activated the national guard to disperse the crowd, but many of them joined the protesters. 

“Everyones so uptight about the virus, and I get it, but when you’re here you’re family,” said National Guard member Salvatore Ferrante, holding a handful of breadsticks. “On my mother’s grave, I can’t cook. When I’m home the Italian is bad, and I’m Italian. They gotta open this place up, capiche?”