Tim Walz To Loosen Restrictions So He And His Band Can Play One Final Show

ST. PAUL — Governor Tim Walz is yet again loosening COVID restrictions, puzzling many as these changes only benefit one group of people: His band.

Nation Of Guardians is a 4-piece band the governor fronted while he and other bandmates served in the national guard. The band broke up while touring with a Replacements cover band, after Walz “sold out” by becoming a public school teacher. But now that one of their member’s has political power, the group is seizing the moment and is ready to rock.

“Mike and Pugface, our drummer and bassist are fully vaccinated and on speaking terms” Governor Walz said while breaking a string on his guitar. “I figure if there’s any time to bring the band back it’s before re-election while I still have the power to give us top bill”. 

Walz is hoping to throw this final show in Mankato at band member Charles “Pugface” Pujfaiz’s bar. Attendance will be required for all state employees, and open to anyone that doesn’t complain that other venues still have capacity restrictions. 

While three of the members were excited, one member of Nation of Guardians took some convincing. 

“I wasn’t really interested in picking up the ol’ axe again”, said lead guitarist and exercise equipment store owner JoeBob “Duck” Freiberg. “But the Timster finally apologized for blowing our gig money on Diet Mountain Dew after we opened for The Naval Prince cover band. Besides, I have nothing else to do. If I rewatch The Office again I’ll die”.

At press the band was practicing in Pugface’s garage, perfecting their “sick ass” cover of The Boys are Back in Town.