Walz to Consolidate MN’s 10,000 Lakes Into One Mega Lake

Photo by  Lorie Shaull

Photo by Lorie Shaull

After a contentious meeting with the head of the Department of Natural Resources, Governor Walz announced his plan to aggressively consolidate Minnesota’s alleged 10,000 lakes into one large lake.

During a press conference about the logistics of his plan, Walz explained, “ All I ask of my constituents in central and northern Minnesota is that if your house number ends in an even number, turn your sprinkles on full-blast on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and every other Sunday. This will encourage the development of large, and seemingly uncontrollable, flooding in southwest Minnesota. Soon enough, we will all enjoy the luxury and convenience of one mega lake. As I’ve stated during my election, I am committed to trying innovative measures to ensure that Minnesotans have a future to look forward to.”

This plan seems to be a small part of Walz’s larger goal, which includes divesting from fossil fuels by 2050. “Cars are somewhat responsible for greenhouse gas emissions. With a mega-lake, transportation options are a lot greener. For example, in the summer we can canoe to the office and in the winter we can ice skate to school. Canoes are, like what, at the most 700 bucks? Clearly, a mega-lake offers more affordable transportation options. If all else fails, just slip, swim, and slide.”

Despite his usual strong support from the DFL, there seems to be substantial controversy over Walz’s plan.

“I can’t swim,” said DFL Senator James from Hopkins.

Walz’s consolidation plan is set to take effect in late 2019.