West St. Paul Man Explains He Lives South of St. Paul for 5th Goddamn Time This Week


Sources indicate West Saint Paul resident Kameron Rilender, 32, has had to explain he lives south, not west, of St. Paul for a record-breaking fifth time this goddamn week.

Muttering obscenities under his breath as a coworker walked away from his desk, Rilender groused to a reporter on the scene: “I don’t understand why this is such a difficult concept for people. I don’t live in Frogtown. I don’t live in Summit Hill. And for chrissakes I don’t live in Hamline-Midway. Learn some basic goddamn geography, people”

Any given week, Rilender estimates people ask what he means by “West Saint Paul” at least 2-3 times. While the normal level of ignorance of West Saint Paul’s existence annoys him, Rilender stated he was getting “more and more fed up having to explain where I live” to “every idiot Twin Cities transplant” he talks to.

As Rilender exasperatedly explained to a group of relatively uninterested coworkers in the elevator today: “West Saint Paul is called that because it’s on the WEST bank of the Mississippi river… no, not that West Bank. Jesus, do you people even live here?”

As our reporter left, Rilender was overheard telling an out-of-state family member over the phone that no, he doesn’t live near the fairgrounds, so don’t plan on parking at his place if you’re going, for fuck’s sake.