One of the benefits of living in the Land of 10,000 Lakes is the ability to choose which beach to hang out at on a hot summer day, even in the heart of the Twin Cities. With such an embarrassment of riches, it can be hard to pick which one to set up shop at. Well, no fear— we’ve selected the cream of the crop, even if they totally even reek of ass.
- Lake Phalen
Saint Paul’s Lake Phalen is a perfect, rancid little lake to bring the whole family to,. With a full concession stand, a wide beachfront, and a play pavilion for the kids, it’s a wonder that more people in the Metro aren’t crossing the river to get to this summer spot, even with its swampy aroma. We recommend going early in the morning, before the unforgiving sun can bake in that sharp, sweaty lake stench into your hair, clothes, skin, and beach towels. If you want to sleep in before your lake day, just plan on keeping the windows open on the car ride home. Phew!
- Brownie Lake
Rustic and less-frequented than other lakes in the chain, Brownie Lake is sure to be an ideal stanky weekday getaway— as long as you don’t mind the unholy swamp-ass smell caused by four decades of chemical runoff from the nearby Prudential Office building.
- Lake Bde Maka Ska
The largest lake in Minneapolis, Lake Bde Maka Ska has sailing, walking trails, and three beaches, the stinkiest of them being Thomas Beach on the southern shore. Thomas Beach boasts notes of stale beer, cigarette ash, and wet dog. If the butt-smell proves to be too much, don’t worry— the baking asphalt aroma of the nearby parking lot is a refreshing respite.
So remember folks: wear your sunscreen, pack extra water, and be considerate of other lake-goers this summer— because you’re all dealing with the same smelly lakes that we’ve come to love. See you on the waterfront!