ST. PAUL — In the wake of the George Floyd protests, there has been a national movement of toppling statues of racist historical figures. Since the Christopher Columbus statue in front of the State Capitol was taken down by Native American activists, the nearby Charles Lindbergh has been noticeably different.
“It hasn’t rained in days but that statue has been moist…and smelly too”, said local jogger Tammy Gregoris, about the famed aviator’s likeness. “I swear it looks like it’s sweating. Wait, can statues sweat?”
Along with reports of the statue’s perspiration, there have been several supposed nighttime sightings of the tall bronze statue pacing back and forth, whispering to itself, “Dear god they’re gonna get me next”, before running back to its podium when spotted.
“I don’t foresee the Charles Lindbergh statue being taken down, he’s a beloved Minnesotan hero, and his advances in aviation changed history”, said local Historian and Professor Peter Frumpkin. “Unless people find out how he felt about the Jews….he did NOT like the Jews.”