Holidays are always stressful, made even more so as you mentally gear up to talk to extended family. But, fear not readers, we are here to help navigate one of the more precarious family dynamics. That of you, and your uncle.
Your uncle may not know how old you are or understand that Sarah isn’t just your close friend and roommate but he will be blown away by your extensive and very real knowledge of fish. Here are some fish facts to save you from floundering in a conversation with your uncle this holiday season:
They live in water.
If you’re new to the world of fish, you may be thinking well fish are a common enough animal you could probably find one anywhere. But, that is where you would be wrong. Fish are exclusively found in water – they live there, they get married there, they raise their beautiful children there, they grow resentful and leave their spouse there, they die there.
Fish with an F.
They call themselves fish with an F because the famous Vermont jam band copyrighted the name “Phish” in 1987. It was a hard blow to aquatic vertebrae everywhere. But still, even in the face of adversity the fish community banded together and came up with the idea to be fish with an F. A great story of hope to brighten the mood after your uncle brings up his latest conspiracy theory.
Fish Sticks Are Not Fish Legs.
Heed my warning and learn from my mistakes – fish do not have legs. I will never live down Thanksgiving ‘07 when I asked if fish sticks were made of fish legs. I can still hear my uncle John laughing in my face. “You silly foolish child,” he taunted, “Fish don’t have legs.” I have now learned that fish swim by using their arms; known to us fish experts as their water wings.
Loyal to Their Alma Mater
Just like cousin Timmy who went to Yale and simply doesn’t seem to know how to talk about anything else, fish are staunch loyalists to their schools. They will seize any opportunity to sport their colors, brag about their exclusive acceptance rates, and remind yet again, even though you are fully aware, that they went to an Ivy.
Plenty of Fish In The Sea
We’ve all heard this phrase at some point in our lives, but what most of us don’t know is that it’s a LIE. There are in fact NOT plenty of fish in the sea, because there are only three different kinds of fish. There are three groups of fish that all fish fall into. Gold, trout, and dolphin. This is a high level fish fact, only the true fishheads know this. This fact is guaranteed to get you a five dollar bill slipped under the table.
Now that you’re equipped with these very real and credible fish facts, chatting with your uncles this holiday season will be a breeze. We hope you join us next holiday season as we supply you with even more, very real facts about Bud Lite™ .