Minneapolis Named Best City to Get Tear Gassed

MINNEAPOLIS — A new report from Cityrater.com has named Minneapolis the best city in America to get tear gassed by the police force in 2020. Minneapolis beat out every other city in the country, including perennial top tear gassing metros like St. Louis and Chicago.

Cityrater based it’s rankings on a variety of factors, including number of tear gas canisters fired by the police force at the populace it swore to protect, the number of civilians who were incapacitated by the chemical weapon banned by the Geneva convention, and sales of milk.

“Minneapolis literally blew the competition away” said Doug Zhou, head of analytics for the website “city law enforcement there is just so willing to attack their own residents. It’s truly mind-blowing”. Minneapolis officials celebrated the distinction and were quick to point out that St. Paul did not even make the top 10.