Murderer Considered Essential Employee

MINNEAPOLIS — Guidelines released by the Minnesota Department of Health have deemed a murderer and his accomplices “essential” workers. The guidelines make it clear that, despite the current pandemic, murderers employed by the city should continue to target African Americans without fear of consequences, viral or judicial. 

“COVID-19 has fundamentally changed our city,” department spokesperson John Elder said “but the pandemic won’t change the culture we’ve worked so hard to foster for years.”