MINNEAPOLIS — After video surfaced of Minnesota state troopers slashing the tires of journalists’ and protestors’ cars, the Minneapolis Police Department has responded saying that this was part of an effort to liberate the compressed air from the vehicles.
“Our intelligence showed that the air was being oppressed by a rubber dictatorial regime,” said police spokesman Rob Arenson, “and we felt it was our duty as law enforcement to intervene.”
When asked if the tires were slashed as retaliation for the widespread criticism of the MPD’s brutality, Arenson denied the claims and then mumbled something about looking for “weapons of mass inflation”.
The effort, known to law enforcement as “Operation Oxygen Freedom”, has caused thousands of dollars of damage and has further fueled outrage from the community.
In response, Arenson said “Mission Accomplished”.