U of M Student Rails Against Gentrification From Luxury Student Condo in Dinkytown

DINKYTOWN — Citing research from several publications he couldn’t remember off the top of his head, University of Minnesota philosophy major Jasper Ames totally tore into the gentrification of Minneapolis from his $1300/month one bedroom condo in Dinkytown on Friday night.

Primarily blaming Mayor Jacob Frey due to his neoliberal policies, along with the reason of “come on, just look at the guy”, Ames told a room full of friends that gentrification was really bad, and that it was like, ruining the city. Though he has only lived in Minneapolis for two years, Ames stated that most of it is completely different than what it was ten years ago.

Despite protestations from several members of the group claiming that Ames is clearly benefiting from the systems he purports to despise, he dodged each allegation by reminding the group that he couldn’t help it if his parents wanted to pay for him to live in a building with an indoor pool, full gym and a concierge service.

At press time, Ames was heard attempting to divert a more nuanced discussion of the issue by asking if anyone wanted to order a pizza.