Jay Kistler

Lol! This Guy Thinks It’s Almost Spring

“Punxsatawny Phil said we’d have an early spring!” says Baby Brian (or if you’re nasty, Triple B). Cute: he thinks the same rules that apply in Pennsylvania apply to Minnesota! He’s under the impression that just because we have one day in the 40’s next week that we won’t have a fucking devastating blizzard in April. Must be nice living…

Fourth Day of Hanukkah is a Federal Holiday, for Some Reason

Apparently, this year of ALL YEARS, Hanukkah falls on—get this—the holiday of “Chris Mass”. So several years ago some local boy kept a little unkosher, apprenticed under his adopted father as a carpenter (good profession), then became your average, fly-by-night rabbi. His name was Joseph Chris. There was a whole book about him in Greek, and then translated into Latin, and then…

Pregnant Churchgoers Desperate to Give Birth Soon so Their Baby Can Play Jesus

Tis the season! Christian families are eagerly throwing up their Christmas trees, and are already buying their Christmas turkeys. Some lucky, soon-to-be parents, however, are preparing for another occasion: that their baby might be cast to play Jesus at their church’s nativity scene.

“Live babies draw more people” says Reverend John Stokes of the United Church of Lutheran Warriors in Oshkosh. “More people means more offerings, and more offerings mean…

Cowards: I Pitched a Story of an Underdog MN Peewee Hockey Team and Disney+ Turned Me Down

So they’ve got this streaming service, right? This Disney+ thing or whatever? I mean how sustainable can those things be anyway? They must be just, like, HURTIN for content, and since I’m an ideas man, I goes up to their offices in Burbank and let myself in. I bang on that trailer with my walking stick, and talk to the guard on duty. He said his name was Mr. Disney and that I pitch everything to him. Here’s my chance, I thought – I pitch him an idea for…