Prospective Jurors Finding It Hard To Be Impartial About A Guy Who Definitely Killed Someone
MINNEAPOLIS — As jury selection for the Derek Chauvin Trial has wrapped up many jurors…
News
Man Born And Raised In Hopkins Pretty Sure He Has Best Ideas About How Minneapolis Can Heal
With the Derek Chauvin trial underway in Minneapolis, the city is in a tense predicament….
Man Living Under Literal Rock to Be Selected for Chauvin Jury
MINNEAPOLS — A man who has been living under a literal rock for five decades…
Bond With Roommate’s Cat Directly Threatened By Expansion of COVID Vaccine Availability
ST. PAUL — After Johnson & Johnson’s one-shot COVID vaccine was approved earlier this month,…
How to Be a Comfy-Cozy Cutie While Locked Inside the Mental Prison of Your Own Design
Okay, we get it—life has been a little bit challenging lately! You’re inside all the…
CDC Worried New COVID Variant Discovered In Edina May Have Gained Ability To Purchase Race Horse
EDINA — The CDC says a new COVID-19 variant believed to have originated in Edina…
Saint Paul Residents Experience Rash Of The Dumbest Opinions Alive Via Nextdoor App
ST. PAUL — Nextdoor, an app designed to be a location-specific message board, has recently…
Cool Retirement Home Announces “Vaccinated Only” Orgy
DETROIT LAKES — As the state continues toward vaccinating its most vulnerable, Up North Cabins…
My Wisconsinite Wife Said Bubbler And Now I’m Getting A Divorce
For six years I had the perfect marriage. Sure, Angela had been raised in Wisconsin…
PR Fail: General Mills Thought It’d Be Cute To Give The Trix Rabbit The COVID Vaccine But It Made His Arms Fall Off
MINNEAPOLIS — Wow. This is a major blunder. General Mills thought it’d be a cute…
Local Man Makes Mistake of Asking Mike Lindell How He Sleeps at Night
MINNEAPOLIS — After seeing ‘MyPillow’ founder Mike Lindell in the news spewing false claims of…
Hormel Introduces New Ethically Produced SPAM Made Solely Of Pigs That Deserved It
AUSTIN — In an effort to cater to an increasingly morally conscious public, Hormel has…
Dave Went to College Out of State And Calls It Soda Now
ST. CLOUD — Local resident Pam Bouvier has announced today that Dave, her friend for…