News
MN Bureau of Criminal Apprehension Renamed ‘Bureau of Investigating Police Shootings’
Citing changes to the nature of their work, Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension officials have…
Jesse Ventura Gifts Tim Walz Map of Capitol’s Secret Underground Labyrinth, Enchanted Crossbow ‘Just in Case’
Former Governor Jesse Ventura held a surprise policy meeting with Governor-elect Tim Walz at Walz’s…
Edina Opens Artisanal Garbage Can for Wealthy, Discerning Raccoons
The city of Edina opened its first artisanal garbage can for wealthy raccoons at 50th…
“I Love Prince” Agree Two Men Listening to Little Richard’s “Tutti Frutti”
STILLWATER, MN. — As the Pandora playlist at a local Perkins restaurant switched tracks and…
Head-On Collision Between Two Food Trucks Results in Two Deaths, Exciting New Flavor Combination
MINNEAPOLIS — A head-on collision between two food trucks in downtown Minneapolis resulted in the…
New State Auditor Excited to Do Whatever A State Auditor Does
After winning her election on November 6th, Julie Blaha is looking forward to serving as…
Twin Cities Archdiocese to Reintroduce Selling of Indulgences to Pay For Large Abuse Settlement
Following the approval of a $210 million dollar settlement to the victims of sexual abuse…
Starbucks’ Decision to Phase Out Plastic Straws Forces Employees to Begin Killing Sea Turtles By Hand
LOS BARRILES, MEXICO — Following an announcement that Starbucks plans to eliminate plastic drinking straws…
Edina Local Government to Adopt Monarchy
KINGDOM OF EDINA, MN — In a landslide election Tuesday, the citizens of Edina voted to…
We Did It! Minnesota Once Again Ranked Number One State That Looks Like It’s Wearing A Tiny Top Hat
For the fiftieth year in a row, Minnesota has been ranked #1 on the list…
New MN Drivers License Design Features Iconic Images of Loon, Canoe, Socially Anxious Man Hiding In Bathroom At A Party
The Minnesota Department of Public Safety has unveiled a new Driver’s License design that features…
Local Woman Uses Two Exclamation Points in Work Email, Has to Quit Now
MINNEAPOLIS — Office administrator Stephanie Johnson is resigning in disgrace from Trusted Help Staffing Solutions…