Twin Cities
Pretentious Craft Spirits Drinker Pivots to Pretentious Hand Sanitizer User
Faced with restrictions to serving cocktails on-site and a severe shortage of hand sanitizer, a group of Twin Cities distilleries shifted from producing spirits to producing hand sanitizer. Seeing an opportunity to “support the cause” Alpertson has shifted his niche, judgemental taste to craft-made hand sanitizer.
Nostalgic God to Unleash the Other Nine Plagues
Appearing as a burning bush before bewildered onlookers near Cedar Lake Road, God has announced that after seeing the world react to COVID-19, God will be releasing the other nine plagues to coincide with the 3,460th anniversary of Passover.
“Gabriel and Michael have been razzing me about how I’m ‘going back to the well’, but when you want to send a message, you kill a guy’s cow and give him boils. I mean I’ll never forget the look on Pharaoh’s face when he spent three days slapping away locusts every ten seconds. I damn near pissed myself,“ said the omnipotent creator of the universe.
Sneaky Pete’s Declares Itself Essential Infrastructure
In the wake of Governor Walz’s stay-at-home order, which bars unnecessary travel and commerce to slow the spread of COVID-19, local night club Sneaky Pete’s has declared itself part of the “essential infrastructure” that must stay open during this time.
Lake Street Kmart Closes, Endorses Biden
Photos by JJBers + Gage Skidmore
U of M Unveils Plan To Replace TCF Bank Stadium With New Luxury Condos
Photo by Tony Webster
Ayd Mill Road To Be Re-Paved With Good Intentions
Photo by Chris Waits
Saint Paul Public Schools Frustrated by Demand for Teachers to Be Treated Like Human Beings
Photo by Gage Skidmore
Everson Griffin Joins Elite Group of Vikings Who Chose to Win
Photo by Joe Bielawa
Seimone Augustus Horrible Person for Taking Her Talents to a Livable Climate
Photo by Lorie Shaull