Tyler Martindale
A Baffling Gesture: General Mills Just Replaced The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee With Crispus Attucks For The Entire Month Of February
Huh. Not sure what they were thinking with this one. General Mills decided to celebrate…
There’s Just No Way: This St. Paul House Listing Says One of Its Amenities is That Josh Hartnett Currently Lives There But You’ll Never Hear or See Him Because He’s Studying For A Role As A Tiny Aphid in “A Bug’s Life 2”
There’s no way any of this is true, right? A new St Paul house listing…
OPINION: St. Cloud Is A World-Class City So Why The Fuck Haven’t They Made A Movie Where Godzilla Destroys It Yet?
There is no denying that St. Cloud, the city I am proud to represent as…
U of M Scientists Announce They’ve Successfully Implanted Memories of 1991 Blizzard Directly Into Mouse Brain
MINNEAPOLIS — University of Minnesota scientists announced today that they’ve successfully implanted memories of the…
Mom Hands Son Five Dollars, Deadly Virus To Drop Into Collection Plate
ANDOVER — Just as the lights dimmed and soothing offering music began to play during…
Terrible Mistake: This St. Cloud Man Took An Edible And Scared Himself Thinking About What Frogs Do In The Winter
Well, this sucks. St Cloud grocery worker Drew Collins, 30, thought he’d take the weed…
Anoka Man Can’t Wait Till It’s Safe To Go To Movie Theater, Drink Directly From Butter Dispenser Again
Anoka resident and film buff Todd Perry, 29, can hardly wait until health professionals say…
Huh: Vaccine Questionaire For Seniors Asks If They’ve Ever Won A Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award
Well, this is odd. The official COVID-19 pre-vaccination checklist is asking possible vaccine recipients if…
Disappointed QAnon Believer Guesses He’ll Just Start Believing In Chupacabras Or Something
DULUTH — After giving up his belief in QAnon when Donald Trump failed to overturn the…
DNR Constructs Billion Dollar Observatory To Search For Signs of Trout In Space
Having learned everything there is to know about trout on earth, the Minnesota Department of…
Edina City Council Approves Funding For New Ziggurat Tall Enough To Reach God
EDINA — In a unanimous vote, the Edina City Council has approved the building of…
Frantic Jesse Ventura Calls Tim Walz At 3 AM Asking If He’s Been Feeding The Feral Clone Left Living In The Walls Of Governor’s Manson Since 2003
ST PAUL — An audibly distressed former governor Jesse Ventura called current governor Tim Walz…
Walz Assures State That Safety Is Number One Priority During Construction of Giant Pollution Tube
ST PAUL — In a press conference earlier today, Governor Walz assured the public that…