Breaking: Old Friend From Church Is Posting About Cancel Culture Again
ROGERS — For what seems like the fiftieth time today, your old friend from church…
Tyler Martindale
Frustrated Ghost Wondering How Many Cups A Guy’s Got To Knock Over To Be Featured In The Anoka Ghost Tour
ANOKA — A ghost haunting a house in Anoka is currently feeling unacknowledged and wondering…
DNR Agent Carefully Avoiding Booby Traps While Investigating Ancient Temple To God Of Zebra Mussels
While investigating the ruins of an ancient temple, the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources’ Head…
Not Again: The Orangutans Just Escaped From Como Zoo By Pretending To Be A Family Of Naked Garrison Keillors
Welp, it happened again. For the third time in the last year, the orangutans at…
A Faustian Bargain: The Science Museum Of Minnesota Is Trying To Attract Cooler Kids By Introducing A New Mascot Called Dr. AssKicker Whose Catchphrase Is ‘Safety Goggles Are For Nerds’
In what definitely seems like a misguided and doomed deal with the devil, the Science…
Mall of America Archaeologists Uncover Unmarked Ossuary Containing Remains Of Peppermint Patty
A major breakthrough with the potential to shed a great deal of light on early…
Jacob Frey Excited To Start Governing Now That Whole Racism Thing Over
MINNEAPOLIS — Following the guilty verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey…
Star Tribune To Appeal To Moms By Introducing New “Oops! All Obituaries” Edition
MINNEAPOLIS — In an effort to increase readership among moms, the Star Tribune is introducing…
Elusive Zebra Mussel Taunts DNR in Series of Coded Letters
A zebra mussel on a horrifying lake infestation spree across northern Minnesota has been taunting…
Four Helpful Tips For Safely Resuming Weekly Austin Powers Themed Neighborhood Orgies Once You’re Fully Vaccinated
So it’s been two weeks since your Johnson & Johnson or second Pfizer or Moderna…
Eat Your Heart Out, Krispy Kreme: General Mills Says They’ll Let You Have One Sensual Night Alone With The Cocoa Puffs Bird If You’re Fully Vaccinated
Wow. Krispy Kremes must be feeling like total cheapskates now. General Mills just blew their…
BREAKING: Dad Sees Deer
ANDOVER — Multiple reports have confirmed that mere moments ago, local father and nature enthusiast…
Sad: The Reclusive 112 Year Old Inventor Of “Duck Duck Grey Duck” Just Came Out With A New Game Called “Brown Egg” And It Makes No Sense
Now this is heartbreaking. Cornelius Blünderbuss, the 112 year old inventor of “Duck Duck Grey…
Northstar Line Hopes To Attract More Customers By Adding Victorian Style First Class Railcar Where Murder Is Legal
BIG LAKE — Following a drastic decline in ridership due to the pandemic, the Northstar…