Strong, Resolute Jacob Frey Demands Minneapolis Police Union Let Him Go To Bed An Hour Later Tonight
MINNEAPOLIS — Radiating fortitude and tenacity, Mayor Jacob Frey took a bold stance today by…
Tyler Martindale
DNR Agent About To Be Cut In Half With Laser By Sinister Head Of International Criminal Angling Syndicate
Trapped inside an underwater lair somewhere in Lake Superior, DNR Agent Jack Whitlock has been…
Eau Claire In Running To Host 2028 International Drunk Driving Games
Exciting news, sports fans! Eau Claire is on the shortlist of potential host cities for…
New Star Tribune Website To Display Flaming Skull, Live Satellite Image Of Your Home When Article Limit Reached
As part of a new campaign to increase revenue, the Star Tribune has introduced a…
Paul Gazelka Winds Down After Long Day By Drinking Diet Dr. Pepper, Staring At Television Static For Three Hours
ST. PAUL — After a long day of standing up against marijuana legalization, COVID-19 safety…
Ancient, Two Month Old Pile Of Dog Crap Recently Thawed From Snowbank Not Sure What To Make Of This Strange New World
BLOOMINGTON — A pile of dog crap long frozen in a snowbank on the side…
CDC Worried New COVID Variant Discovered In Edina May Have Gained Ability To Purchase Race Horse
EDINA — The CDC says a new COVID-19 variant believed to have originated in Edina…
PR Fail: General Mills Thought It’d Be Cute To Give The Trix Rabbit The COVID Vaccine But It Made His Arms Fall Off
MINNEAPOLIS — Wow. This is a major blunder. General Mills thought it’d be a cute…
Hormel Introduces New Ethically Produced SPAM Made Solely Of Pigs That Deserved It
AUSTIN — In an effort to cater to an increasingly morally conscious public, Hormel has…
Jacob Frey Googles “How To Get A Funko Pop Of Yourself??!” For Fourth Time Today
MINNEAPOLIS — Mayor Jacob Frey has reportedly been ignoring meetings, morning agendas, and other duties…
Loose Cannon Minneapolis Cop Forced To Turn In Badge, Gun, Other Gun, Tear Gas Canisters, Grenade Launcher, Katana, Flamethrower, Tank, Other Tank, Grappling Hook, Trebuchet, Klingon Bat’leth
MINNEAPOLIS — After getting himself in a mess even he couldn’t wriggle out of, Officer…
300 Brave, Shirtless DNR Officers Defend Mille Lacs From Invading Horde Of Drunk Ice Fisherman
Despite being vastly outnumbered, three hundred of the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources’ bravest, most…
Minnesota History Center Under Fire For Opening Exhibit About Embarrassing Time Teenage Paul Bunyan Lost Virginity To Tree
ST. PAUL — The Minnesota History Center opened a new exhibit this month that chronicles…
DNR Introduces New Moose Species That Buries Its Dead
Investors and DNR fans are abuzz with excitement over the unveiling of a new type…