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Wisconsin Institutes New Voter Marksmanship Test
MADISON – In a move to improve election security, Wisconsin will begin purging voters who…
Sorcerer Admits Curse on Timberwolves Worse Than Intended
MINNEAPOLIS — When Timberwolves made the playoffs in 2018, it was the first time in…
‘I Don’t Live That Far Away!’ Says Friend in Fucking Anoka
Sam Gunderson, 27, had the nerve to alienate all of her friends and move to…
Sun Country Airlines Passengers Only Allowed Two Free Carry On Limbs
Photo by Joao Carlos Medau
Doomtree Contracts Dutch Elm Disease
Photo by Nic McPhee
‘Sure Could Use Some Of That Global Warming Today!’ Jokes Blaine Man Who Will Die Defending Moisture Farm From Desert Raiders In 2047
During a recent cold snap that gripped much of the Upper Midwest, Blaine resident Matt Johansen made light of a dire climatic situation that would eventually lead to his death in 2047 at the hands of outlaw cannibals following the environmental and societal collapse of much of the planet.
“Sure could use some of that global warming today!” the 37-year-old account manager quipped, unaware that the frozen ground he was standing on would one day be an arid wasteland under the purview of a…
Metro Transit Proposes Beige Line to Get Poor Bastards Out of Lakeville
Plans to extend Red Line service from Lakeville to the Twin Cities has been canceled in favor of a newly announced Beige Line, which will begin one-way service out of the city of Lakeville beginning in spring 2021.
“Look, suburbs are breeding grounds for soulless McMansions,” said Metro spokesman Larry Deerdorfe during this week’s press conference. “And Lakeville is…
Minnesota’s Got Talent: Internet Sensation ‘Baby Yoda’ Is From White Bear Lake
Watch out, Josh Hartnett! Minnesota has a new big-time Hollywood celeb to be proud of!…
Republican Lawmakers Remind School Kids to Pack Thoughts and Prayers for First Week of School
SAINT PAUL — In a warm gesture to the thousands of school children returning to…